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avatar JoeFas 18 day.ago

Whenever I need toothpaste I buy Parodontax.

Which is slightly annoying since I only need one Dontax.

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1. My family has been singing happy birthday to me all day today

After all it’s my cake day!

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3. PSA: If you’re ever assaulted by a knight or a bishop, you need to get to a hospital immediately.

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4. My mom told me, to never ride my bike near the mental health hospital.

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5. Why do teenagers like Easter?

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6. While on vacation in Israel...

While on vacation in Israel, an American wife asks her husband, "If, I die here and it costs $30,000 to fly me home and bury me, or $2,000 dollars to bury me here, what would you do?" To which the husband replies, "Well, I'd fly you home and bury you there." "Why would you spend the extra money," she gasps. "Well, because the only person I know that died in Israel, rose again 3 days later." >!Happy Good Friday & Easter yall!!<

7. I went to McDonald's today. I smiled at the bloke and said "Can I have a small shake please?"

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8. Two Vampires

Two vampires walk into a bar. One orders a Bloody Mary, the other just water. The first vampire asks, "Hey Steve, how come you're not drinking tonight?" Steve sighs, "I just got back from the doctor & he says I need colon surgery. Now I gotta fly back to Shitsylvania."

9. What the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

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10. The dentist was attending a party.

As the host was introducing him to some guests one of them came up close and says, "I'm glad to meet you doctor. I've been having a problem with this tooth and need advice" while waggling a loose tooth close to the dentist's face. The host quickly leads the guest away making an excuse for the dentist. Later, he comes back apologising profusely for his I'll mannered guest. "That's alright," the dentist replies, "but sometimes I thank God I'm not a proctologist."

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